I really am psychotic.
Posted by: Finch in Musings, Worldbuilding, Writing, tags: motivationI think most writers probably are, at least the good ones (not that I’m necessarily a good one — I’m fairly certain you can be psychotic and still be a lousy writer. But I digress). A relaxed view of reality is really sort of a necessity when you’re writing fiction, especially fantasy, but I think some authors allow themselves a sort of private belief in their worlds, something maybe not entirely healthy in the traditional sense.
I had a conversation with my friend yesterday at lunch about the novel. She’s been the one championing my book all this time and she knows more about “my world” than most people — she’s been hearing about it at lunch and over email for probably 3 years now. And yet we get into a discussion yesterday about a really obscure part of the history of this place I write about, and I’m getting into all this detail (letting me talk about my world, by the way, is a really bad idea in general), and suddenly she laughs (comfortably, as she’s already familiar with my personal insanities) and says “Chris, you do realize that none of this is real, right?”
Naturally, I laugh back and answer, “Of course I know that, I make it all up!”
And yet I allow a sly wink to the invisible camera when I say that. Lovecraft once proposed that the dreamlands are no less real than the lands we inhabit, suggesting that both experience and imagination share at least equal importance in terms of our growth, our beliefs, even the means by which our brains store those memories. Ultimately, the difference between the two is negligible, undetectable — memory shifts over time, the events of your youth gain the hue of fondness and lose the edges of sorrow or irritation, becoming no more truth than the imaginary friend you once played with or the monster in the closet. Ultimately, if you travel this path far enough, the question of reality becomes a strange one indeed.
Why do I have such a clear channel to this place that doesn’t exist? Why can I tell you what happened to the Kâlindurian King on Thârin in the year 1523 D.R. as the Nightmare Imperium fell? How is it I can recall the story of Queen Da’Saahn’s betrayer, describe in intricate detail the rotting tapestries of scorched EldomÅ“n or the bizarre phased calendar used by the Daloric Empire to predict weather for its farmers?
Naturally, I made it up. Naturally, the place I write about doesn’t really exist; the characters are shades of my imagination, the histories wild flights of fancy. I do not believe they are real, any more than I believe I may find Superman flying through the skies when I look out my window. I’m obviously obsessed with my fictional creation, and I’m pleased that I can turn my obsession into fiction that, hopefully, someone will enjoy.
Then again, maybe it exists, somewhere near where Randolph Carter took his silver key.
Or maybe I’m just psychotic 
June 24th, 2005 at 2:32 pm - Edit
I aint a writer as you know, but being a reader as you also know i can link in with what your saying.
as they keep saying anyway reality is what you make it in this world, so doesnt that also mean the fantasy world we live in, be it via the internet or a book for me while im sunk into whatever it is at that time is real, its is reality, i cant spell
but yea it is, i submerge myself into other peoples world and trod the paths that they have created for me, i can believe they are real while i am within then.. nice insight to my mind there eh 
and ive basically lived in your world briefly and enjoyed living there 
June 24th, 2005 at 3:17 pm - Edit
Funny.
But when I think about it…
I see the few books I’ve read and enjoyed more as worlds than stories.
Worlds you can pop in and out of, more than just picking up a stack of bound paper and looking at the words.
Oddly enough I don’t always feel that way about movies though. That’s very rare.
Who knows, how real it is might depend on how much the writer believes it is
Like an episode of DS9 where Sisko gets torn between two realities.
Is he a 20th century writer of a story about a spacestation? is he captain sisko? or is he only captain sisko because a writer in another world created him
Very intriguing trains of thought.
June 25th, 2005 at 2:41 pm - Edit
I really do think you’re just psychotic ^_^
September 19th, 2005 at 12:34 pm - Edit
[...] Most of my friends know that when I find a new character I go through an interview process with them — I set up a fairly standard historic bio so I know what they look like, what their voice sounds like and where they came from, and then I write a scene where I’m interviewing them, asking difficult questions of them. Usually I do this until they surprise me — and yes, that’s crazy talk, see the ‘I really am psychotic’ post below — but this guy’s different. He just doesn’t crack. He’s completely self-assured, utterly confident, completely responsible, and thoroughly unflappable. When I hit him with a question that should evoke an emotional response, he stops to gather his composure before answering. When I smack him with a difficult critique he acknowledges the flaw. In short, he’s even better at this than I am, and I wrote the longest interview I ever have searching for a surprise that never came. [...]
August 30th, 2010 at 8:59 pm - Edit
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